How to treat a woman

Amazing Pencil Drawings

Confucius Say

01. Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets titbit.

02. Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.

03. Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.

04. Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.

05. Passionate kiss like spider web--lead to undoing of fly.

06. Man with holes in pocket, feels cocky all day.

07. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.

08. Virginity like balloon--one prick, all gone.

09. Girls who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.

10. He who farts in church, sits in own pew.

11. Baseball all wrong--man with four balls can't walk.

12. Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.

13. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

14. Man with penis in peanut butter is ------- nuts.

15. Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.

16. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.

17. Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.

18. Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

Q:  Why did the Chicken cross the road?

Anderson Consultant:

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.  Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.  The meeting was held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful. 

 

 

$200 Bucks It Is...

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

" Hi, is Tony home?"

" No, he went to the store."

"Well, you mind if I wait?"

" No, come in."

They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."

Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together."

Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.

A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over. "

Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

Cool Photography!

Absolutely NO way to CHEAT!!

A CONFESSION

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little leaving speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his speech. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession." 

Lesson: Your actions can come back to haunt you in unexpected ways. Therefore, it's best to be true to yourself and always do the right thing.

Reginald's New Die

Reginald was terribly overweight, so his doctor placed him on a strict diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds," his doctor assured him. When Reginald returned he shocked his doctor by having lost almost twenty pounds. "Why, that's amazing," the doctor said, greatly impressed. "You certainly must have followed my instructions." Reginald nodded, "I'll tell you what though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the third day." "Why, from hunger?" asked his doctor. "No, from all that skipping.

Lesson: A different perspective can yield better results. Therefore, learn to be open to all possibilities. Do not short-change potential results with narrow, limited thinking.

Funny Wedding Pictures

10 of the Most Expensive Private Islands in the World

10. $28 million – Bird Cay, Bahamas

A 250 acre tropical estate in the Bahamas, it’s just 30 minutes by air from Nassau. The island itself has numerous sandy beaches, spectacular views of the ocean and landscaped trails accompanied by many varieties of exquisite tropical flora. The main residence on the island is an historic two storey building, complete with swimming pool. There is also a guest house further down the beach, as well as five waterfront cottages that line the shore

9. $28 million – Agria Trias, Athens, Greece

The island of Agria Trias/Aghia Triada is a relatively short distance from Athens, the capital. It is densely populated with everything you’d expect from the region: a variety of fruit trees, pistachio and olive trees included. The island comes complete with numerous structures, which includes the main living accommodation, beach houses, a staff house and even a church.

8. $35 million – Cerralvo Island, Mexico

Situated near La Paz, Mexico, the island itself is home to many steep bluffs on one side, whilst still having pleasant sandy beaches on the other. Due to the fact that most sea life has to travel past the island in order to migrate (and also thanks to the incredibly water visibility), it is a prime spot for big game fishing and relaxation.

7. $35 million – Hog Cay, Bahamas

Hog Cay is another island for sale in the Bahamas (they have a lot of island there). For your money here, you’ll get 681 of lush, tropical paradise with a two storey main building with incredible sea views. The island also comes with its own 2,500 foot airstrip, for when you need to travel by one of your private jets, of which you’ll no doubt have several.

6. $39 million – Charles Island, Bahamas

Charles Island is again in the Bahamas and is, as you can see, closely situated to any services supplied and provided by nearby Spanish Wells. The island is also fully equipped with electricity, telephone and water utilities and is thus totally prepared for any type of development that a potential buyer might foresee in the island’s future.

5. $40 million – Motu Tane, Bora Bora, French Polynesia

Essentially not a true addition to the list, as Motu Tane is technically only available for rent these days. It used to be on sale for $40 million; however, you and your friends can now spend copious amounts of money to be able to have your own private island for a minimum of three days. Their rates start at $30,000 per night for the first 8 people, but then increase from there. With just one resort (consisting of a multitude of bungalows equipped with the latest in comfort technology: plasma TVs, sunken lava bathtubs, exquisite dining facilities) that is rented to only one group of people at any particular time, the luxurious island is the ideal place for privacy.

4. $45 million –Hans Lollik Islands, US Virgin Islands

A prime spot for real estate development, these islands are situated a mere 8,000 feet away from St. Thomas island and offers beaches, stunning vistas, forests and ideal fishing spots. The perfect waters are also ideal for anyone with a keen interest in swimming, diving or snorkeling.

3. $65 million – Caye Chapel Resort, Belize

No longer on sale, as the “Resort” in the title might have given away, this island sold for $65 million a few years ago and is now home to an incredible luxury island resort. Twelve miles from Belize, the resort boasts an amazing 18-hole golf course, a yachting marina, airstrip, bar, restaurant and conference facilities, swimming pools and of course many, many beaches. Holiday-goers will be housed in luxury villas furnished with all the latest and greatest amenities and the resort also offers a wide range of activities to participate in: fishing, kayaking, boating, spa treatments, volleyball and basketball and many others. Activities for those willing to travel off the island include visiting the local Mayan ruins, river tours and much of what Belize has to offer.

2. $100 million – Ronde Island, Grenada

Located in that most famous of tropical paradises, the Caribbean, Ronde Island was recently the king of all private islands with its hefty price tag, but has since been knocked from the top spot. For your cash, you’ll be purchasing a 2000 acre slice of paradise, practically a country in itself. The lush scenery is truly a marvel to behold, with water visibility of up to 100 feet, plentiful sea life, stalactite and quartz crystal-decorated swim-through caves.

1. 240 million Euros ($310 million) – Lisbon Island, Portugal

Often touted as being as much as $350 million, it’s actually probably closer to $310 million these days. The island is virtually on the doorstep of Lisbon itself and is a massive 3000 acres. There has been talk of turning the island into a luxury golf course, complete with residential units, as the island is a prime spot for potential development and is unusual in the fact that is remains undeveloped whilst being so close to a heavily populated area such as Lisbon. The island will most likely be purchased by multiple investors with an eye to develop it into whatever they see fit.

Nighttime Lights of the World

Under the auspices of NASA and a number of organizations have in the states of such an interesting project – “Nighttime Lights of the World”. It not only publishes pictures Night of the Earth. He is using meteorological records of the lit side of Earth dynamics, and comparing, puts maps of changes of illumination.  Observations carried out since 1993, this site details to 2003 inclusive.  What you see below – Dynamic Card illumination of Eurasia, where the red marked re-emerged during this period the lights.  From pink to gray – the same in this period, the lights of varying intensity – from high to low.

THIS IS HOW WE MISS OUT SOMETHING CALLED "LIFE

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes.. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and  saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.

QUESTIONS :

 
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?

ANSWER :

 
The husband just said "I am with you Darling" 

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead.. He can never be brought back  to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. " A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think..

MORAL OF THE STORY:

This story is really worth reading. ...... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. 
 
By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E. 


READ MORE
http://www.onlymessages.com

 

 

TOUCHING STORY OF A MOTHER AND SON

My mom only had one eye. I hated her, she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market.She collected little weeds and such to sell, anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment.There was this one day during elementary school. I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me.

I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! You're only going to make me a laughingstock. Why don't you just die?" My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time. Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

That night...I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom.

This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me "What?! Who's this?!"... It was my mother...Still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye. And I asked her, "Who are you? I don't know you!!!" as if I tried to make that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! Get out here now!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared. Thank good ness... she doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.

Then a wave of relief came upon me... one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

She wrote...

My Son,
I think my life has been long enough now. And... I won't visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school.... For you... I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you.

You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so I gave you mine... I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me. I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me.' I miss the times when you were still young around me.

I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me. My world shattered! Then I cried for the person who lived for me. My Mother. 

The World Bodypainting Festival-2009

September 12, in the South Korean city of Daegu has opened the annual international festival of body art The World Bodypainting Festival-2009. The event lasts a week and is the world’s largest event in the field of “wearable art”, which attracts thousands of visitors from around the world.