Golf is a funny game

By Glenmore Jones

Register Golf Columnist

RICHMOND — Last week I had no local golf action to report so I turned to quotations from football coaches. This week I have the same lack of golf action so I have an e-mail from my son, Alan, on a really funny set of golf sayings that you may get a chuckle from. If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: You can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

Golfers who claim they don’t cheat also lie.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree. There are two kinds of bounces: Unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time and a two-inch branch 90 percent of the time. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

The game of golf is 90 percent mental and 10 percent mental. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

To calculate the speed of a players downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: How many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

Hazards attract, fairways repel.

You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.

Always remember to have fun and enjoy yourself!!

1945 Madison Central won its first tournament

Last week I was talking with Neil Parke about athletics back in the early 40s at Madison Central and Madison High School.

I mentioned that our Madison football team of 1941 only has three players on that team that are still living, namely Stafford Nelson, Wilson Bond and myself.  Neil informed me that all five of the Central basketball team he played on in 1945 were still alive and kicking.

That 1945 team was composed of Neil Parke, Donald Wells, Billy Griggs, Billy Thomas and Bruce Cox.

They won the first Madison County Basketball Tournament for Central High School by defeating Kirksville 34-20 in the finals. Wells and Parke led the Scarlets with 11 points each.

Central reached the finals by beating Waco in the semifinals 35-27. Wells, with 13 points and Griggs with 11 points were high scorers for Central in that game.

The All Tournament Team was Donald Wells, Billy Thomas, Bruce Cox, Neil Parke of Central; Vernon Prather, Dan Hale, and John Cochran of Kirksville; Billy Duncan and Paul Cotton of Waco and Bobby Stewart of Kingston.

At the conclusion, county superintendent James B. Moore presented trophies to the winners, runners-up and individual trophies to the All-Tournament Team.

Congratulations to you winners and may you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.

Mahalo to Neil Parke for this info.

Credit to : http://richmondregister.com