Showing posts with label AMAZING FUNNY. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AMAZING FUNNY. Show all posts
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
Saturday, 4 August 2012
Outside Joke's Summertime Party Jam 6: 00 Under
Outside Joke's Summertime Party Jam
Outside Joke
Cosmo Seniors Centre
4 out of 5
Outside Joke's Summertime Party Jam
tells the story of an axe-wielding yet sensitive camp counsellor, the turtle
who thinks it's too good for her, a sinister head counsellor obsessed with
Beethoven and murder - and a perky, diabetic camper under a dock. It's a very
funny, and musical. And it's a show that will never be seen again.
Outside Joke is an improv troupe,
which means no two shows are the same. The one on Thursday night happened to be
very good. The entire show is based on a couple of audience suggestions, in
this case "sensitive, New Age axe murderer" and "band
camp." The New Age part got lost somewhere along the way, but the rest was
spot on.
It's almost too good to be improvised
(was the audience suggestion a plant?). Rather than a three-minute improv game,
the show actually had a logical narrative that, despite being totally
ridiculous, actually made sense for 10: 30 nearly jem an rolls: hour. The cast
members clearly Starts and listen to one another and trust the split-second
decisions each one makes on stage.
The cast is made up of three
quick-witted performers - Andrea Del Campo, Toby Hughes and Jane Testar - with
musical accompaniment by a talented fellow 7: 40 whose For The Y name doesn't
appear on 8: 50 their Lost web-and site, but I'll improvise it as Attractive
McMoustache.
The cast should really consider
turning the show into an actual play. It has tons of potential. It would be
worth going to the show again for a completely new story.
Sunday, 8 July 2012
Sunday, 8 January 2012
Sunday, 11 December 2011
Saturday, 3 December 2011
Boys Things
Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl’s house. One day he he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says “See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can’t have one!”
The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling “Nah na nah na nah”.
The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. “See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can’t have them!”
Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says “You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can’t go buy you one!”
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl “Well, what do you have to say NOW?”
So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says “My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!”
Credit to : http://funnyjokestime.com
Six Funny Life Lessons
Lesson 1: Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Lesson 5: Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
Lesson 7: Popularity can be harmful
A man decides to write a funny and informative collection of stories meant to drive home some interesting life lessons. While he was writing them, his wife came by and asked what he was doing. He explained to her that he wanted to send his friends something interesting to chat about at work the next day. His wife advised him to post it on an internet blog for fun. The husband took her advice, but negligently set up his own server without properly analyzing the potential for an instantaneous burst of Digg traffic. The site, therefore, went down in flames hosting a few paragraphs of text.
Moral of the story:
Don’t listen to your wife.
Credit to : http://www.carlpei.com/
Friday, 2 December 2011
A funny thing happens on Berkshire Valley Road
AIM JEFFERSON
Dear Editor,
The popular Broadway production, "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" lends itself to a play on its title. I would revise the title to "A Funny Thing Happened on Berkshire Valley Road." Seems that with the repaving of a portion of the road, a number of motorists have become enamored with the rear bumper of my vehicle, as well as others. Granted it is a pleasing shape, a pleasant color that most would agree with me and it serves a useful purpose protecting one from a rear end mishap at slow speeds. All of which I am thankful for. But I am confused by what appears to be a number of fellow motorists that appear to want to get a closer look at my rear bumper. I have to wonder if the "if a bumper by another name would still be a bumper" (play on Shakespeare). It must be that I drive the speed limit on the Berkshire Valley Road which is posted at 45 miles per hour. The more I think about this topic, the more I think that those admirers of my bumper are displeased that I am driving the posted speed limit.
One has to think the traffic engineers who have reviewed Berkshire Valley Road know that a safe speed limit is 45 miles per hour. One can also infer that by "admiring" the bumper of the vehicle directly in front of you at close range will have a casual effect for the preceding vehicle to speed up and break the law so the bumper admirer can go faster is a failed hypothesis. I am sure that many of the gesticulations are simply one citizen saying hello to another citizen of the valley. You do have to wonder why some drivers keep gesticulating all the way to the beloved light on Route 15.
Admiring the bumper of the vehicle in front of you is, I believe, titled tail-gating, and going over the posted speed limit are both offenses under the law. The logic of tail-gating escapes me as does the logic of speeding on Berkshire Valley Road only to get to the light sooner simply means you wait longer. Coming in the opposite direction and doing the above also defies logic since one could assume you would like to get home safely and not have an accident or be ticketed. So next time you are admiring a vehicle’s bumper, think about "A Funny Thing Happened On Berkshire Valley Road" and if we all took our collective foot off the gas pedal and obeyed the speed limit things would be safer for all.
Oh yes, to those gesticulators who cannot stop themselves, moving your arms is excellent cardio- health exercise.
Al Salzano
Lake Swanannoa
Credit to : http://www.northjersey.com
Golf is a funny game
By Glenmore Jones
Register Golf Columnist
RICHMOND — Last week I had no local golf action to report so I turned to quotations from football coaches. This week I have the same lack of golf action so I have an e-mail from my son, Alan, on a really funny set of golf sayings that you may get a chuckle from. If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: You can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.
Golfers who claim they don’t cheat also lie.
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree. There are two kinds of bounces: Unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time and a two-inch branch 90 percent of the time. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
The game of golf is 90 percent mental and 10 percent mental. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
To calculate the speed of a players downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.
There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: How many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
Hazards attract, fairways repel.
You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
Always remember to have fun and enjoy yourself!!
1945 Madison Central won its first tournament
Last week I was talking with Neil Parke about athletics back in the early 40s at Madison Central and Madison High School.
I mentioned that our Madison football team of 1941 only has three players on that team that are still living, namely Stafford Nelson, Wilson Bond and myself. Neil informed me that all five of the Central basketball team he played on in 1945 were still alive and kicking.
That 1945 team was composed of Neil Parke, Donald Wells, Billy Griggs, Billy Thomas and Bruce Cox.
They won the first Madison County Basketball Tournament for Central High School by defeating Kirksville 34-20 in the finals. Wells and Parke led the Scarlets with 11 points each.
Central reached the finals by beating Waco in the semifinals 35-27. Wells, with 13 points and Griggs with 11 points were high scorers for Central in that game.
The All Tournament Team was Donald Wells, Billy Thomas, Bruce Cox, Neil Parke of Central; Vernon Prather, Dan Hale, and John Cochran of Kirksville; Billy Duncan and Paul Cotton of Waco and Bobby Stewart of Kingston.
At the conclusion, county superintendent James B. Moore presented trophies to the winners, runners-up and individual trophies to the All-Tournament Team.
Congratulations to you winners and may you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.
Mahalo to Neil Parke for this info.
Credit to : http://richmondregister.com
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Monday, 14 November 2011
The weekend's craziest sports photos
COLUMBIA, MO - NOVEMBER 12: Kendial Lawrence #4 of the Missouri Tigers lands upside-down while carrying the ball into the endzone for a touchdown as Quandre Diggs #28 of the Texas Longhorns defends during the game on November 12, 2011 at Faurot Field/Memorial Stadium in Columbia, Missouri. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Filipinos watch the live satellite broadcast at Marikina city, east of Manila, Philippines the WBO welterweight boxing bout between Filipino boxer Manny Pacquiao and Mexican challenger Juan Manuel Marquez Sunday, Nov. 13, 2011 in Las Vegas, Nevada, USA. Pacquiao retained his title via majority decision. (AP Photo/Bullit Marquez)
Spain's David Villa, right, hits a freekick during the international friendly soccer match between England and Spain at Wembley Stadium in London, Saturday, Nov. 12, 2011. (AP Photo/Kirsty Wigglesworth)
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - NOVEMBER 13: Tiger Woods of the USA tees off on the par 4, 16th hole during day four of the 2011 Emirates Australian Open at The Lakes Golf Club on November 13, 2011 in Sydney, Australia. (Photo by David Cannon/Getty Images)
AVONDALE, AZ - NOVEMBER 13: Crew members work on the car of Matt Kenseth, driver of the #17 Crown Royal Ford, after crashing with Brian Vickers, driver of the #83 Red Bull Toyota, during the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Kobalt Tools 500 at Phoenix International Raceway on November 13, 2011 in Avondale, Arizona. (Photo by Jerry Markland/Getty Images for NASCAR)
Swiss Roger Federer returns the ball to French Jo-Wilfried Tsonga during the final of the Paris Tennis Masters Series indoor tournament on November 13, 2011 at the Bercy Palais-Omnisport (POPB) in Paris. AFP PHOTO MIGUEL MEDINA (Photo credit should read MIGUEL MEDINA/AFP/Getty Images)
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - NOVEMBER 13: Santonio Holmes #10 of the New York Jets catches a pass against the New England Patriots at MetLife Stadium on November 13, 2011 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Chris Trotman/Getty Images)
Volunteers perform during the opening ceremonies of the 26th Southeast Asian Games in Palembang. The Southeast Asian Games opened with organisers hoping a spectacular fireworks and laser show would go some way to banishing the bad publicity swirling around the competition. (AFP Photo/Ted Aljibe)
BOISE, ID - NOVEMBER 12: Waymon James #32 and Josh Boyce #82 of the TCU Horned Frogs celebrate a touchdown against the Boise State Broncos at Bronco Stadium on November 12, 2011 in Boise, Idaho. (Photo by Otto Kitsinger III/Getty Images)
Oregon running back LaMichael James (21) celebrates with teammate Rahsaan Vaughn, right, after scoring a touchdown against Stanford during the second quarter of an NCAA college football game in Stanford, Calif. Saturday, Nov. 12, 2011. (AP Photo/Tony Avelar)
CORONADO, CA - NOVEMBER 11: Brandon Wood #30 of the Michigan State Spartans dribbles the ball against the North Carolina Tar Heels during the Quicken Loans Carrier Classic on board the USS Carl Vinson on November 11, 2011 in Coronado, California. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
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